Parliamentary Sketch

Parliamentary Sketch 20th Jan – Rubber Face Rubber Soul

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

He did it again. Cameron’s recent tribute to Bowie made me cringe and his previous love of Eton Rifles, while totally missing the point of the song, are forever stitched into my mind; but he will never learn. Today he ruined the Beatles forever.

Karl McCartney, Con (no relation, thank god) – said, when referring to Corbyn’s plans to mobilise nuclear submarines without warheads:

“Those such as the leader of the opposition who do not believe this, have a defence policy inspired by the Beatles’ Yellow Submarine. While the members opposite may Twist and Shout their current leader clearly needs Help.”

The PM, with an answer that could only have been nurtured by Charlie Dimmock said: “All I can say is that when it comes to Beatles songs I suspect the Leader of the Opposition prefers Back in the USSR.”

So what we got was a Tory PM, whose party’s policy proposal had once been to let Liverpool rot, using the famous scouse bands song titles, whose lead singer (sorry Paul) was an ardent pacifist, to try and “wittily” argue the case for keeping our nuclear capability.

What is he going to do next – rap “21 seconds” by So Solid Crew to prove how quickly a nuclear attack could happen, if we didn’t keep our deadly deterrent?

One Tory MP did make me laugh when he asked why there will be no banks left in Glastonbury, a town he said was famous for its music festival, as three are about to shut down. I guess it was only a matter of time before drug dealers moved to chip and pin. I guess Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds would make you contactless. Boom Boom.

All this musical tomfoolery aside, Cameron’s new tactic is to place Labour firmly back into the 70s and 80s. The PM said Labour would bring back secondary picketing, cut business dividends and destroy nuclear arms. The only thing he didn’t say was, “they couldn’t bury their dead,” but I guess he is saving that up for when Corbyn manages to land some blows, or start a Revolution.

Weirdly there was space for Nigel Dodds, DUP, to do Cameron a favour and ask a jingoistic question about the Falkland Islands. I always assumed Dodds had enough on his plate sorting out Northern Ireland. All we needed was an Alan Clark wet dream about Thatcher leading him around the chamber on a leash, to complete the trip down memory lane.

The Tories are doing a good job at framing Corbyn (and now the entire opposition) as being from the militant past; perhaps they are.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Let’s see if the electorate agrees.

Sycophantic question of the day

Rishi Sunak, Con, member for Richmond, who praised the record UK employment from “North Yorks to North London.” Leaving the steelworkers of Middlesbrough contemplating a life on the dole. Or possibly stripping.


Sgt Pepper Pigs Lonely Hearts Club Band.

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