Ben Fogle’s TV crew to make sure he stays in the wild

Ben Fogle’s new programme “New Lives in the Wild UK,” is actually a Crowdfunded initiative, to dump him in the most isolated place in Britain, and leave him there once and for all.

Mike Salisbury, 33 Exec Producer (well that’s what he told Ben) said: “He promised he would spend a year on that castaway island for the cameras, and then settle there for the rest of his life, but he hasn’t been off our screens since.

“Our algorithm indicated that at any one time 38% of programmes on TV feature Ben: Crufts; One man and his Dog; Animal Park; Wild on the West coast; Wild in Africa; the list is literally endless. We just wanted to put a stop to it once and for all. We raised £125,000 in under 12 hours, the public have given us a clear mandate to do this.”

Harry Knowles, 46 an ex-chartered accountant who now lives in a cave in Snowdonia said: “I moved into the wilderness to get away from Ben Fogle. I hate it here, but I felt I had no choice. I cant believe he turned up yesterday with a film crew. I’ve had enough; I’m going back to Wandsworth.”

Ben Fogle said: “Hello, I am here in to meet the intrepid explorers who remind me very much of my own…wait, guys, hello, hello?”

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