You are the product. You are the dream. Being ignored… worst feeling ever

Many us have networks which we float between day in and day out; family, friends, colleagues, those close and intimate, and even virtual forums. There is a mixed bag of characters and opinions that can have a negative or positive impact upon us. We like to think that when we need support with a life decision, someone in one of those groups will be there for us to bounce-off, with no hidden agenda.

Except, is that true for those of you where the networks are entirely dependent upon your performance? Especially if we are talking world class, big money, and high stakes?

Will you get honest support from your CEO or Coach on personal decisions you must make decisions that matter to you and not to performance? Possibly not if it means a distraction from the end goal and ultimately that person’s position.

Sir Richard Branson is quoted as saying: “Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough so they don’t want to leave”. That resonates with the theme in this article.

You are on the train track to stardom

Train track to a world platform. Everything in life is geared around you hitting targets and smashing records in sports, business, fame or whatever. Keep moving forward. Don’t detract. Concentrate 24/7 on the end game. You hero!

  • You miss the kids?

“Don’t be daft. Use Skype tonight. Just for 10 minutes though. You don’t need the emotional burden”.

  • You want a husband, wife?

“No. No. Don’t be silly, you have plenty of time for that later in life”.

  • You’re tired?

“You need a change in diet. We will get bags of kale, super-foods, and strong coffee in. You’ll be fine”.

  • You haven’t seen day light?

“Have you seen those new light-bulbs? Amazing. Just like the real thing. We can get them in too”.

  • Fulfilled?

“This is fulfilment. You just can’t see it. You have it all. This is you. What are you without this?”

  • What happens after the end game?

“Worry about that later. We have an expert to help with that. We can pay them direct, speak to them in confidence. We won’t pry”.

So, you get the point

Those ‘none-blood-related’ networks may not be entirely invested in your wellbeing and the real burning issues you want to discuss. But that’s ok, you can open-up to family and friends, right?

  • “But we really need to get Charlie into St. Jon’s Silver Spoon.  I’ve told everyone at the club now”.
  • “Have you seen that house? It’s amazing. Come on. Push through. It’s just tiredness, get an early night after work and I’ll make you a good breakfast”.
  • “Oh, come on, the trip abroad will be fantastic. All expenses paid. We are all so excited”.

So, perhaps you feel that not everyone is truly invested in you and show a tendency to be more interested in enjoying the fruits of your labour. They only see one direction… you are performing.

Let us be clear at this point, you too, might want to remain on the train tracks and achieve those goals that seems so important. You just want the tracks leaf-free for a smooth ride!

What can you do? How can you make a better judgement? (RICES)

  • Reasoning – facts and figures.

The brutal facts with zero emotion attached. Stick to the black and white. This can leave a bitter taste and over time the reality and emotions can creep in making it hard to maintain a hard-shell.

  • Intuition – ‘gut feeling’

The combination of experience and your personal values may not always be (a) reflection of reality but more (of) perception. So check the validity of your ‘gut-feeling’, why do you have that feeling? It’s perfectly normal to rely on gut for the less complicated, short term solutions.

  • Combine – intuition and reasoning

Recognise your gut-feeling and consider the facts. Get it down on paper and evaluate. Ask lots of what, why, where, when, who and how.

  • Engage – reach out

Seek an independent person to facilitate your decision making. This can be done in varying degrees of formality and techniques, depending on the size and risk of the decision. Look for credibility and experience-based individuals who you bond with and you trust to have your interests as the focus.

  • Space – to think

Engage in some mindfulness. Find some quiet. Think. Gather your thoughts and relevant known information to fully assess the problem or decision in hand.

Recognise. Act. Review

Fully understand the problem in hand. Take some action to ensure progress. Ensure to review where you are at because of the action you have taken.

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