Muslims Oppose Extrapolation

Satire by Nathan Lee, inspired by the MailOnline

A poll of 25 Muslims has revealed 23 per cent of the UK’s 2.7 million Muslim population oppose extrapolation.

The detailed study was conducted by the BBC after tabloid papers splashed that ‘a quarter of the British Muslim population’ have sympathy for motives behind Charlie Hebdo attack in Paris, which reads differently to ‘three-quarters of 1,000 British Muslims’ oppose the attacks, which is actually what the survey found.

Extrapolation, or fool’s bait as it’s known in the business, has been used on numerous occasions by red tops to prove the Homer Simpson proverb that statistics really can prove anything. The study found 2 of the 25 people surveyed thought the misrepresented views of the Muslim community in press titles could be behind isolated outbreaks of violence, which when extrapolated means 216,000 British Muslims think that, which is shocking if you don’t think about it.

A Daily Mail correspondent and self-confessed bigot said: “Extrapolation is part of the furniture in Britain. We enjoy extrapolation as much as we enjoy a good cup of tea, so it really is shocking that British Muslims can’t acclimatise to that.”

“If we can’t rely on the odd dodgy statistic to fuel widespread xenophobia then what can we rely on?”

The Press Complaints Commission is exploring running a film-styled rating of UK surveys after finding the daily deluge of utter horseshit has got a little out of control. The authority has classified the recent Charlie Hebdo survey as a “Wild Extrapolation” which is one down from “Utterly Unfounded Codswollop”, which is their most severe rating.

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