26 thoughts only people doing Dry January will have

By Sarah James

1. I can do with a month off, it will be easy!
2. It’s only been 4 days! I feel like I’ve not drunk for at least 3 months.
3. I’m bored of staying in the house, I’m going to go to the pub, I can drink sparkling water and watch other people drink!
4. F/ck that! Back to the house, it’s safe there.
5. Suddenly I stop drinking and I seem to have been struck down with something!
6. Dr says I’ve got chronic tonissilitis and have been prescribed antibiotics.
7. I really REALLY hope they are the type of antibiotics that make you violently ill if you mix with alcohol, so I don’t have to rely on will power alone!
8. I’ll just Google and check…
9. No, they’re the ones where actually you can drink if you want to, Damn it!!!
10. I do fancy going out though, maybe a curry?
11. Yes, and I like a beer with a curry 🙁
12. Is Kaliber still a thing and does my local curry house have it?
13. Frantically Google alcohol free lager and make some awkward phone calls to local Indian eateries.
14. Feel embarrassed after the awkward phone calls that I need a placebo drink, surely it’s not that hard, I can do this, off to see my mates in the pub.
15. Revert to point 4.
16. My boyfriend suggests date night, fab, I can replace alcohol with food!
17. Why T. F am I calorie counting at the same time as doing dry Jan? Am I some sort of sadist?
18. Set off for date night, ooh I’ve put make-up on for the first time in a week!
19. Boyfriend is a massive idiot and wants to stay in the pub longer after the football – is late for our date.
20. No problem I will go and sit somewhere for a relaxing glass of wine while I wait.
21. Aaaaaaaaaagh!! Sitting in a bar alone has lost all appeal.
22. Right I will go out and dine alone! Screw him! I love dining out alone!!
23. Plus I’m starving after the fourth high intensity work out this week- purely achieved out of boredom & sobriety.
24. Oh crap dining out alone without a glass of wine is no where near as good either ! Who knew ?
25. I’m going home, in a very bad mood.
26. It’s only 4th Jan; now I have to face my stressful jobs without my best friends…Gin and Tonic.

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