By Jonathan Hatchman
Albeit one of the nation’s most popular long-running television shows, The X Factor is, perhaps, also the most controversial, especially within the music industry, raising several massively publicised arguments. “Are the results fixed?” “Does the show strip up-and-coming acts of opportunities to succeed?” “Should the series’ winners always claim the singles chart Christmas number one slot?” Or “is The X Factor singlehandedly destroying the music industry?” However, regardless of views towards the show in itself, over the past ten years, Simon Cowell and co. have managed to deliver plenty of laughs, albeit at the expense of thousands of delusional individuals that enter the World’s most famous talent contest.
Having returned to the screens with a new series last weekend, bringing founder Simon Cowell back to the panel, as well as an auditioning process set within a room, juxtaposed to the country’s colossal arena-sized venues, the diabolical auditions are already beginning to flow. So with the launch of the new series, here’s a reminder of some of the most dreadful, yet hilarious, auditions from the past decade.
Not only did Onkar Judge manage to absolutely destroy Michael Jackson’s emotional message of social consciousness, exposing the destruction of the universe, Judge also managed to damage the show’s set, as well as his own knees.
Fresh from his career as a Chicken Factory worker, Robert Unwin’s audition back in 2004 comprised two songs performed in a bid to impress the judging panel. First off, a shocking rendition of The Bee Gees’ ‘Tragedy’ with falsettos that rival even Barry Gibb himself, in fact sounding closer to an impression of Alvin & The Chipmunks. And if that wasn’t enough, he even treated us to a mesmerising cover of Aqua’s 1990’s hit ‘Barbie Girl’.
Ant & Seb
One of the series’ most comical auditions to have taken place thus far, Welsh duo Ant and Seb entered the show with an interesting cover of Peter Andre’s ‘Mysterious Girl’. In all fairness, Ant’s singing, alone, isn’t enough to make this audition so memorable, in fact it’s hype-man Seb’s atrocious Bubler Ranks impression that features a cringeworthy Caribbean accent that sounds completely out of place, as well as remarkably unnecessary.
Potentially the show’s most irritating contestants, of all time, best friend duo Ablisa auditioned for the show back in 2010 and we’re booed off of the stage before they even had the chance to perform. But on their return it soon becomes clear that their singing talents are just as efficient as their charm, performing a ramshackle cover of Shayne Ward’s ‘That’s My Goal’. However, the inadvertent break-up and punch to the face wasn’t quite expected, at the time.
Aspirations to become as big as Madonna are pretty difficult to achieve when your singing voice is merely a dull, monotonous drone. And with a frankly terrible dance routine and constant pleas for a place in the next round, let’s face it: Donna made it perfectly clear that she possessed absolutely no chance of succeeding as a recording artist.
Let’s be honest, Jonny Rocco’s version of Elvis Presley’s ‘Always On My Mind’ wasn’t exactly terrible, although, needless to say, it still wasn’t brilliant. However, it’s the singer’s reaction to Louis Walsh’s “pub singer” comment that changes the audition’s tone immediately. Comedy gold.
Young Emma’s version of Celine Dion’s Titanic hit ‘My Heart Will Go On’ wasn’t exactly spectacular, however the thing that makes this audition so memorable is the poor girl’s pushy fame-hungry parents, having already appeared upon a handful of other shows such as ‘The Chawners’ Big Fat Challenge’, ‘Too Fat To Work’ and ‘Neighbours From Hell’. And what’s more, she re-auditioned two years later as a duet with her sister, and it was even more ear-bending than the first time around.