Geldof to re-re-re-release Band Aid for Bird Flu

Satire from Jack Peat. 

Bob Geldof has announced he is to re-re-re-release the Band Aid track ‘Do They Know it’s Christmas’ to fight the latest outbreak of Bird Flu.

The Irish musician, known for being in the same room as Midge Ure when he wrote the popular Christmas record, said the cull of 6,000 ducks at a breeding farm in East Yorkshire was “bollocks”, adding that it was “bollocks” after further probing from a Sky News journalist.

Leeds rockers The Pigeon Detectives joined The Byrds, The Doves and The Eagles in the Notting Hill studio before they got turfed out by the security guards. Asked about the band’s names Geldof said the references to poultry were “purely coincidental”, but seemed baffled by how many of them contained the word “the”, saying “that couldn’t be coincidental” and “bollocks”.

The lyrics of the song aren’t expected to change drastically, although there have been some minor revisions, such as “do they know it’s not H5N1” and “there won’t be snow in Nafferton this Christmas Time”.

Adele said she wouldn’t be singing on the track, but would stop eating duck for the next week out of respect for the campaign, a ban that will include her Wednesday staple Hoisin Duck Wrap from Pret. Simon Cowell has given his backing to the re-re-re-release saying he is “quackers for the idea”, before tweeting the somewhat insensitive pun to Harry Styles, who replied “couldn’t give a duck”.

The track will battle for the number one spot in the charts against its namesake track this week.

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