A 400-year-old shark was asked what he most wants to know about humans since he was last in contact with them when he was a spritely 48. He wondered if Kronenburg 1664 still takes like piss and it was confirmed that it does. The sullen shark, who wouldn’t give his...

Millions of men up and down the country are sneering at Pokemon Go, the latest fantasy game craze to sweep the nation, which is in no way similar to Fantasy Football whatsoever they say. “What a load of utter bollocks Pokemon is”, said Ben Taylor from Huddersfield. “I know people...

Militant judges who have just been voted onto the panel for the upcoming series of Strictly Come Dancing, have already clamped down on New Labour traitor Ed Balls. He would not do the Trotskyite twist with the 500,000 other Labour supporters at home. During rehearsal for the first show Balls...

“I was just about to learn the Spanish for ‘two beers” but I just couldn’t find the time, I’ve only been here eight years."