Timmy Mallett unveiled as War Correspondent at The Times

80s TV “legend” Timmy Mallett has told reporters he is made up to be given the job as War Correspondent at the Times. He hopes his colourful glasses, loud shirts, and giant pink foam mallet, will be fantastic camouflage to hide from snipers in war-torn countries.

When compared to George Osborne’s’ appointment as Editor of the Evening Standard he said defensively: “At least have done a bit of student radio, I’ve heard rumours that Gideon had other past times at University, which also led you to listen to shit music all night.

“I will also be keeping my role in Jack in the beanstalk at Weston-Super Mare Playhouse, as my contract runs until 2048.”

Just before the interview ended Mallett wanted to play the word association game, “ok I’ll start”, he said, “George Osborne” the reporter replied “journalist” as he was bashed over the head with Timmy’s bright pink mallet.

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