21/10/14 – The London Economic

By Charlotte Hope, Lifestyle Editor @TLE_Lifestyle

Bono has glaucoma

 So I was really quite annoyed to find U2 on my iPhone about a month ago, unannounced, as though I wanted it there. I did not. I’ve told everyone I can about it, and now I’m telling the internet. You’d think i was the only one; their album was, in fact, inflicted on millions of Apple consumers. Anyway, to promote the album we all already have, U2 appeared on Friday night’s Graham Norton show to play one of their songs (they played two, and we didn’t get to see a civilian tell an embarrassing story) and have a bit of a chat.

I watched in full knowledge that I do in fact not like Bono very much but can really only put this down to not liking U2 and his really thin lips. I was ready to give him a chance. Sadly he failed to endear me to him with his less than witty banter. As though he knew it, he then revealed that the reason he wears those arguably quite silly glasses all the time is because he has Glaucoma. Glaucoma, I realised after a swift Google, isn’t very nice. So that’s unpleasant for Bono (real name: Paul). Still no need for that album, though.

Harry Styles and an Upset Tummy

 Have you ever looked at your mantelpiece and thought, ‘gosh, what that marble top needs is a nice piece of crystallised celebrity vomit’? No? Strange. Well, if I’ve now planted the seed of ornamental chuck-up, you’ll be pleased to hear that some enterprising young soul has, upon hearing that Harry Styles was sick next to a highway in the USA, gathered bits of it and is selling it on the internet. That’s the world we live in, folks.

In addition to this completely insane piece of entrepreneurial news, the site upon which Styles vomited has now had some sort of shrine erected at it, complete with sign. Presumably it’s a matter of time before celebrity open-top bus tours stop by the site of the sick and a bequiffed man with a too white smile casually mentions what took place on that sacred ground. And people just take pictures of the pavement, like it’s totally normal and fine. It’s not fine. It’s all very weird.

Convenient scandal keeps Boyband relevant

 I don’t know how it happened, but I started watching X Factor. I’ve been trying to do ‘sober October’, but that seems to have morphed into staying in, drinking a bottle of wine and shouting at the television. I had so much potential. Squandered. Speaking of squandered potential, one of the acts on this year’s X Factor is an 8 piece boy band called ‘Stereo Kicks’. There’s so much to pick at in the previous sentence alone, without even getting to their vocals. ‘Stereo Kicks’. Why? What does that mean? I suppose we’ll never know, because I doubt they’ll get very far.

They have, however, lived to survive another week after being placed in the bottom two on Sunday only to be rescued by a man who looked suspiciously like Simon Cowell, only he had dollar signs instead of pupils. A more cynical critic than I might suggest that the emergence of a ‘nude selfie’of one of the copious members of the aforementioned boy band is fortuitously timed, given the public’s unashamed love of a scandal and their placement in the opinion polls, but I am not that critic. No sir. Not me.

Leave a Reply