Parliamentary Sketch 5th November – Guy Fawkes…but Cameron puts the knife in

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

Last week we were enthralled by the questionable question answering from the two party leaders on the NHS, so I assumed it couldn’t get worse this time…well it did.

Miliband decided to repeatedly (he used all six questions on the matter) ask the PM if he was in or out of Europe, to which the PM replied “in, but with a better renegotiation”. Every time Ed asked Cameron the same thing, he came back with the same response. For once the PM had answered a question, but Ed didn’t seem to notice. The fact that the renegotiation is practically impossible is beside the point; David has a plan…good luck Baldrick.

Mr Cameron said, “this is what happens if you write your questions before you listen to the answer”. I don’t think that was the point – Ed wasn’t capable of registering it. A straight forward answer in the chamber is transmitted on another frequency that only dogs, bats and GCHQ can hear.

When discussing whether Labour would hold a referendum on EU membership, the PM asked, “can you tell us why you are frightened of the British public?” Well they all are, hence the glass screen surrounding the public gallery.

The PM continued his attack; he accused Ed Miliband of being a “dead parrot” leading a “chicken” Labour Party. I guess that is an improvement on Beaker.

He said, “The Labour Party is so chicken when it comes to trusting the British people it’s a completely unbelievable position.” He then quoted Labour frontbencher Thomas Docherty as saying Labour was “in a dreadful position” and a “moribund party”.

Cameron went on the say, “That’s not the view of the commentators. It’s not the view of the backbenchers. It’s the view of the frontbenchers.

“It’s official – it’s a dead parrot.”

Don’t worry there were some laughs towards the end of the session at the expense of a politician who dared to have a northern accent: Lord Prescott had said that Labour can’t communicate in English. The PM remarked “when you get a lecture from John Prescott on the English language, you’re really in trouble,” which gained laughs from all sides.

If you want to disenfranchise voters anymore make sure you have a laugh at a commoner (well, now Lord to be fair). Luckily none of the great unwashed watch PMQs, which is the point. And the answer why fewer people want to vote for either main party.

If Guy Fawkes had walked in the chamber this 5thNovember, he wouldn’t bother trying to blow up Parliament, he would realise they are killing themselves.

Sycophantic question of the day

Gary Streeter, Con, who mentioned the Government’s “Long term connectivity plan” bit of a change from the tired almost narcolepsy inducing “Long term economic plan”, as they say variety is the spice of life. Also it was a glorious three minutes and eight seconds before the PM first mentioned his party’s awful slogan today.

Winner

Cameron for answering a question, which has been the talk of the canine community ever since.

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