Parliamentary Sketch

PMQs 1st March – We didn’t come down in the last shower

If you had to say what is one thing you would never want to imagine, Theresa May and John Bercow showering together is probably top of my list. Well maybe just after Gary Barlow doing anything.

Somehow this cropped up in today’s session, but more of that later, as I need to take my mind off it for a moment. See, a troubled mind can be much more serious than the thought of May wearing loofer mitts and gently exfoliating the speaker of the house. Sorry that really is enough.

Corbyn couldn’t believe that the government had overturned a decision by the courts that people suffering from a range of mental health issues should also receive PiP income.

The Tories threw that idea out as it would cost £3.7bn (over a number of years) but are looking into raising the inheritance tax threshold to a million pounds. Get you priorities right I guess.

The Copeland by-election win bragging rights that kicked off today’s PMQs, quickly gave way to shame. The Tories fell silent; they know they are denying people in desperate need much needed benefits.

The Labour leader told the house that the Tories are still the nasty party. In the old days they would simply ignore issues, like mental health. Now they say they care while at the same time cutting these services, which is arguably even nastier.

Corbyn pointed out there are 6,000 fewer mental health nurses, surely a sign that the Government is not taking mental health issues seriously. He then told the house that the mental health charity, Mind, pleaded with the government to reverse the decision, but May wasn’t having it. So that means 160,000 people will not receive PiP.

The Labour leader stayed on this topic and mentioned the recent comments by a Tory MP that people who suffer anxiety are not really disabled. If he meant there are different levels of disability then who decides what a “proper” disability is?

May said he had apologised and hopes the house accepted it. I personally don’t and I’m sure a lot of others won’t either.

The PM said that the appropriate shadow office had been called twice about the PiP decision, and there was no answer, and they only received a reply four days later.

It turns out they were out competing in a by-election, surely the Tories knew that and could have called someone’s mobile number?

However, Corbyn denied this call had ever happened, but how do you know if an office phone isn’t answered. If a government minister calls an office while you are out contesting a by-election, does the phone really ring?

As ever when faced with harsh questions, May reverted to warning that Labour would bankrupt Britain and we are better off with a strong economy, which is systematically cutting back all public services.

It can’t get much worse. So, like Brexit voters, opting for the (anti) nuclear option, why not give Labour a shot and see what they do. Can it get that much worse?

In response to Cat Smith’s, Lab, comments that losing the Copeland by-election was ‘Incredible,” May said Corbyn’s leadership was  “inncreddiibblllee.” Somehow taking Smith’s original embarrassing comment and increasing the cringe factor by roughly 1,000 per cent.

Now, I know you have been waiting for this, so back to the almost Hitchcockian shower scene. Rebecca Pow, Con, asked the speaker if he had taken a shower this morning. Incredibly, this led May to comment that she wasn’t with him this morning so wasn’t sure if he had. But it was too late, my mind can never unsee the vision that was conjured up.

Like the facade of a caring Conservative party, eventually everything comes out in the wash.

Sycophantic question of the day

Nigel Dodds, DUP, who laid into John Major’s and Tony Blair’s anti-Brexit comments and also had a go at Labour’s soft coup, and would we know when it was triggered. This left May to state we would invoke article 50 at the end of March. Today is the 1st of March I’ll just let that sink in.

Winner

Rich people in large houses.

Leave a Reply